Closeness: The Cause of Great Hurt

It would seem that the people we love the most are often the ones that hurt us the greatest.

It's never the stranger in line at the grocery store, or the guy who hands you your coffee that inflicts pain. Instead, it's the ones that you deeply love that do. It's the people that have committed to you, that have been there for you, that loved you, they're the ones that hold such power.

And I guess just because you're close with someone, just because you love them, just because you have spent years walking in close relationship doesn't mean it will always be that way. And it certainly does not mean that just because you had a close friendship, that your friendship will guard you against division and hurt.

I used to put my confidence in that if I was close with someone, if something did get between us, our years together, our faithfulness to one another, that would allow us to work things out, to talk it out, to meet and restore anything that may have been lost.

However, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter how close you become with someone. If they want to hurt you and do their own thing, they will. Years of faithfulness to relationships, the years of talks, laughter, fun, memories, it might mean a lot to you, but it doesn't mean that it's important to those you're sharing it with.

I tend to think that if I serve and love people in my life, there is nothing too great that could drive us apart.

But the reality of all relationships with people is that there are two parties. And I can love, be faithful, be committed, be expectant, and try to build the relationship, but if the other party wants nothing to do with me and doesn't want relationship... well, there is nothing I can do.

I'm realizing that even if you serve in the local church together, love God together, worship together, and share life together, even if you have everything in common, none of that is enough to hold together the bond of relationship. Because when someone wants to walk away, they don't care who or how they hurt people.

And when they leave, they go on and live their life, content, because for them, the investment in the relationship was only temporary anyways. For some, they knew it wouldn't last and didn't invest like it would. They move, they leave, they start new relationships with new people and you watch in almost shocked disbelief at their coldness.

I'm freshly aware that just because I'm close with people doesn't mean I can count on that closeness. I used to. But after losing relationships that I thought were worth having and keeping, I guess I'm a little cynical when it comes to relationships lasting.

And it's easy (at least for me) to let cynicism rule my life. To let anger cloud my view of relationships with people. I often find my heart hardening at the mere thought of building relationships with people around me. "It's not like it's going to last anyways" I think. "You can't count on anyone." 

These are lies.

I have to constnatly preach to myself, reminding myself that:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10a

The thief, the devil, he wants to steal my joy, he wants to kill my passion for the Lord and people, and he wants to destroy my life. And the devil will most assuredly use the hurt from failed relationships with people to set me on a path of destruction.  

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

But I must, I must, I have to be alert. The devil will not wait till my passion for the lord, the joy of my strength, the love for life and people, returns before attacking. The devil will take any chance he can to devour me.

So I look to the One who is more faithful than a brother. The One who will never leave me or forsake me. The One who knows what it is like to have close relationships lost, and those you count on, love, and invest in, betray you and walk away. The One who will always love me and always pursue me.

It doesn't take away the sting of pain, but it's good to know I'm not alone. And so today I hold fast to the promise from Christ that says:

 "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10b

May Christ be. my. life.