Take Away From Awake 2014

What does loving the Lord look like? Your all. Everything. 
- Eric Peoples

Can I be honest with you?

For the past few years I have not given my all or my everything to the Lord. Distractions, disappointments, letdowns, failed dreams, frustrations, circumstances, my failures, I let these distract me and deter me from loving the Lord fully. And little by little I just stopped giving my all. 

In his first session on Saturday, Eric said:

"You may feel like you're living more of a nightmare than a dream. You're not alone. We can look through the Bible and see people who have been there, gotten burned, been disappointed and letdown. That's called process."

I'm really good at responding to the process of "all is well and going great". But when the very thing(s) I am holding tightly to and hoping never to lose are lost, I have difficulty walking through this process. Now compound that with at (what seemed) every turn - rejection. Doors were closed, people walked away, and each attempt to move on was hindered by yet a new problem.

"Just because the process doesn't look like it should, don't lean on your own understanding. Surrender yourself to God and trust Him."

Trust.

Everything seemed to unravel so quickly - like sand sifting through one's hands. And it was all I could do to just catch my breath and stay afloat. I tried to trust, but as the days turned to weeks, and the weeks months, hope gave way to cynical hopelessness.

And hopelessness, like a cancer, robbed my very soul of joy, love, desire, and care. And not only for life and people, but for the Lord as well.

"We don't see change or growth in our spirituality because we lack endurance."

Endurance.

I wanted to endure, but honestly, I just didn't have the drive to even attempt it.

"You may be hopeless by life circumstances, but you are not helpless because of Jesus." 

Perhaps these were the most impacting and piercing words I heard all weekend. I was hopeless from life's circumstances. And until that moment, I had bought into the idea that hopelessness meant I was helpless. The kindergarten answer to every Sunday School question - Jesus - had evaded my very reasoning. How could I have forgotten such a simple truth?

Yes. I was, am, hopeless.

But I am not helpless. I have Jesus. And no matter how hopeless I get, there will never be a moment where I will become helpless because I have the promise from Jesus Himself, that He will never forsake me or leave me.

Hopeless? Yes.

Helpless? No.

So each day I will choose to awaken and say, as Eric Peoples said in his Sunday morning message:

"Holy Spirit, fill my life right now and teach me how to love Your presence."