“I am my own greatest obstacle in loving God."
It was July 18, 2010 and I was listening to Pastor Doug's Sunday morning message at SaRang church in Korea - which was the church I was attending while living there for three months.
Pastor Doug was doing a series on Jonah. It was undoubtedly the best series I had ever heard preached on Jonah and I was loving it. Pastor Doug was straight forward. He didn't candy-coat the message. Sin, repentance, forgiveness, grace, redemption - the Gospel was preached.
“I am my own greatest obstacle in loving God."
It's been almost four years since I heard that message, yet I can't stop thinking about that statement.
For the years while in college, I prided myself on my passion and pursuit of the Lord. I was proud of the discipline I had exercised in prayer, worship, and the reading of the bible. I worked hard to serve people, share the Gospel, be out-going, and love everyone generously.
I was proud of the man I was becoming and the reputation I was building.
But when I graduated, that all stopped. With a single walk down the aisle and the reception of a diploma, just like that, the entire world where I had served and worked tireless to become disciplined in had disappeared.
I was left standing, feeling lost. Because I was neither an "adult" (i.e. career, family, spouse, etc.) nor was I a college student.
And rapidly the discipline I had exercised eroded away. My passion melted like snow in the spring and my love and out-going personality towards all shriveled in the frost of my frustration.
I was not proud of who I was or where I was going. I suddenly felt catapulted back to high-school as if I was now just a child.
Like metamorphosis, I could see the change occurring, but didn't know how to stop it.
And along the way, people, friends, those close to me began to feel the cold chill of my heart. Some bore the burden of my frosted words and actions more than others. And my reputation began to change... and so did the way people related to me.
And within a year, I was a shadow of the young man who had walked up to receive his diploma.
“I am my own greatest obstacle in loving God."
It was not graduating that caused the deviation of my soul. It was not people or my church that directed my heart astray. It was not circumstances or lack of dreams fulfilled or desires had that set me on a journey of wandering.
I was the obstacle that got in the way of loving God.
Why did Paul write that he had been crucified? Because he understood that he himself was the greatest obstacle in loving God and that he needed to "decrease so that He could increase".
See, being crucified with Christ is not just a one-time deal at the moment of salvation. It is a daily thing.
The moment I stop being crucified with Christ, I begin to live in my own strength and walk out the desires of my heart. It is not until I have been crucified with Christ that my heart is no longer "I who live, but Christ who lives in me".
I must, at every turn, at every let down, at every desire, at every dream, at every heart-break, at every junction be crucified with Christ so that the life I now live would be lived "by faith in the Son of God" and not by any other whim, feeling, desire, or strength.
I am still very much my own greatest obstacle in loving God. But today I am going to crucify myself with Christ so that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
It was July 18, 2010 and I was listening to Pastor Doug's Sunday morning message at SaRang church in Korea - which was the church I was attending while living there for three months.
Pastor Doug was doing a series on Jonah. It was undoubtedly the best series I had ever heard preached on Jonah and I was loving it. Pastor Doug was straight forward. He didn't candy-coat the message. Sin, repentance, forgiveness, grace, redemption - the Gospel was preached.
“I am my own greatest obstacle in loving God."
It's been almost four years since I heard that message, yet I can't stop thinking about that statement.
~~~
For the years while in college, I prided myself on my passion and pursuit of the Lord. I was proud of the discipline I had exercised in prayer, worship, and the reading of the bible. I worked hard to serve people, share the Gospel, be out-going, and love everyone generously.
I was proud of the man I was becoming and the reputation I was building.
But when I graduated, that all stopped. With a single walk down the aisle and the reception of a diploma, just like that, the entire world where I had served and worked tireless to become disciplined in had disappeared.
I was left standing, feeling lost. Because I was neither an "adult" (i.e. career, family, spouse, etc.) nor was I a college student.
And rapidly the discipline I had exercised eroded away. My passion melted like snow in the spring and my love and out-going personality towards all shriveled in the frost of my frustration.
I was not proud of who I was or where I was going. I suddenly felt catapulted back to high-school as if I was now just a child.
Like metamorphosis, I could see the change occurring, but didn't know how to stop it.
And along the way, people, friends, those close to me began to feel the cold chill of my heart. Some bore the burden of my frosted words and actions more than others. And my reputation began to change... and so did the way people related to me.
And within a year, I was a shadow of the young man who had walked up to receive his diploma.
~~~
“I am my own greatest obstacle in loving God."
It was not graduating that caused the deviation of my soul. It was not people or my church that directed my heart astray. It was not circumstances or lack of dreams fulfilled or desires had that set me on a journey of wandering.
I was the obstacle that got in the way of loving God.
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." - Galatians 2:20
Why did Paul write that he had been crucified? Because he understood that he himself was the greatest obstacle in loving God and that he needed to "decrease so that He could increase".
See, being crucified with Christ is not just a one-time deal at the moment of salvation. It is a daily thing.
The moment I stop being crucified with Christ, I begin to live in my own strength and walk out the desires of my heart. It is not until I have been crucified with Christ that my heart is no longer "I who live, but Christ who lives in me".
I must, at every turn, at every let down, at every desire, at every dream, at every heart-break, at every junction be crucified with Christ so that the life I now live would be lived "by faith in the Son of God" and not by any other whim, feeling, desire, or strength.
I am still very much my own greatest obstacle in loving God. But today I am going to crucify myself with Christ so that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
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