"I'll be frank with you, lots of people think our
20's is great because we are young, we have the world in front of us,
all fun times, getting to know ourselves, That's all great, but I
disagree with a lot of that sentiment. I think for a lot of people, our
20's suck. We're all trying to figure out what the heck to do with our
lives, and things don't line up like we think they should or want them
to. Panic, callousness, or discouragement set in, and we don't know when
to cut bait and get a new dream, or stay the course... and I could go
on. I'm there. It's really hard. It's easy to get jaded and discouraged."
Jaded.
That's the word that has constantly eluded my ever diminishing vocabulary. That's it. That's me.
It was his response from my returned letter to him, (an old friend), asking me how life was and if there was anything he could pray about for me.
We were friends in college and it has been almost six years since those memories were first formed. Yet the lapsed time didn't seem to change anything. It was as if we had just picked up where we left off.
It was surprising, yet comforting to hear him articulate the thoughts that have wondered the halls of my mind for months now.
The problem with being jaded is that it flavors everything you say. I might try and be kind, but because the source of my kindness is polluted with jadedness, it comes out less than loving.
So in an attempt to prevent others from being hurt, offended, annoyed, and even cast down, I just don't say anything. I try and let my words be few. I often withdraw from social interactions. And when immersed in a social atmosphere I put on the face of a performer and walk into that event and give people what they expect, even need - a happy go-lucky guy.
But my heart couldn't be further from such a performance.
This is not a sob story or a "whoa is me" post. In fact, I need to ask for your patience and grace as I work through this season. For most, if not all of you who know me, this season, me, it's not what you or I am used to.
Jadedness. Cynicism. Frustration. Negativity. Never before were these my characteristics.
I need your forgiveness for the jaded things I've said or will say to and around you. I will need your forgiveness for "pretending" I am fine and all is well. I will need your forgiveness for my lack of love and kindness. I will need your forgiveness for being negative and at times even irreverent. I will need your forgiveness when you ask me how I am doing and I refuse to tell you. I will need your forgiveness for not caring.
This is a season where I am learning humility as I encounter the love, forgiveness, patience, and grace of people all around me. I am grateful for it all - even though I seldom express it.
Jaded.
That's the word that has constantly eluded my ever diminishing vocabulary. That's it. That's me.
It was his response from my returned letter to him, (an old friend), asking me how life was and if there was anything he could pray about for me.
We were friends in college and it has been almost six years since those memories were first formed. Yet the lapsed time didn't seem to change anything. It was as if we had just picked up where we left off.
It was surprising, yet comforting to hear him articulate the thoughts that have wondered the halls of my mind for months now.
The problem with being jaded is that it flavors everything you say. I might try and be kind, but because the source of my kindness is polluted with jadedness, it comes out less than loving.
So in an attempt to prevent others from being hurt, offended, annoyed, and even cast down, I just don't say anything. I try and let my words be few. I often withdraw from social interactions. And when immersed in a social atmosphere I put on the face of a performer and walk into that event and give people what they expect, even need - a happy go-lucky guy.
But my heart couldn't be further from such a performance.
This is not a sob story or a "whoa is me" post. In fact, I need to ask for your patience and grace as I work through this season. For most, if not all of you who know me, this season, me, it's not what you or I am used to.
Jadedness. Cynicism. Frustration. Negativity. Never before were these my characteristics.
I need your forgiveness for the jaded things I've said or will say to and around you. I will need your forgiveness for "pretending" I am fine and all is well. I will need your forgiveness for my lack of love and kindness. I will need your forgiveness for being negative and at times even irreverent. I will need your forgiveness when you ask me how I am doing and I refuse to tell you. I will need your forgiveness for not caring.
This is a season where I am learning humility as I encounter the love, forgiveness, patience, and grace of people all around me. I am grateful for it all - even though I seldom express it.
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