As 2013 comes to a close, I suppose like most, I reflect on what the year held.
At the closing of some years, there has been in the past an excitement about not only what that year had held, but a joyful anticipation of the next.
Then other years, they close almost unnoticed.
2013 for me was... difficult. An unexpected, and in some ways, a completely shocking difficult. It was frustrating. It was angering. It was depressing. It was infuriating. And it was filled with loss.
It was a year of having faith. | And it was a year of faith being lost.
It was a year of excitement. | And it was a year of great dissapointment.
It was a year of prayer. | And it was a year of prayer ceasing.
It was a year of pursuing. | And it was a year of letting go.
It was a year of scripture memorization. | And it was a year of scripture being lost.
It was a year of being proud and confident it what I had. | And it was a year of losing it all.
It was a year of pursuing a vision. | And it was a year of a vision being taken away.
It was a year of believing I had heard from the Lord. | And it was a year of doubting I had ever heard at all.
I can confidently say, 2013 has been the hardest year of the 26 I have lived. And to be completely candid, I currently do not look to 2014 with any expectation of "great" things. I have learned in 2013 that expectation is fragile and easily lost - something to not be relied upon ever.
Yet there is a hope within me, small, and perhaps barely visible, which believes that in some way, that somehow, God is going to restore my very soul and return unto me the joy of my salvation. It is not a great hope. It is not a contagious hope. It is not even a faith-filled hope. Rather, it is a hope derived from years of walking with God and knowing He is good. He is father and I son.
Yesterday at church, my pastor said "At the end of 2014, I want my testimony to be that I am somehow, in someway, more like Christ than I am now."
I have no aspirations for 2014. I have no excitement for 2014. I have no goals for 2014. I have nothing, nor want nothing, nor desire anything for 2014 — other than that I might be more like Christ than I am now.
At the closing of some years, there has been in the past an excitement about not only what that year had held, but a joyful anticipation of the next.
Then other years, they close almost unnoticed.
2013 for me was... difficult. An unexpected, and in some ways, a completely shocking difficult. It was frustrating. It was angering. It was depressing. It was infuriating. And it was filled with loss.
It was a year of having faith. | And it was a year of faith being lost.
It was a year of excitement. | And it was a year of great dissapointment.
It was a year of prayer. | And it was a year of prayer ceasing.
It was a year of pursuing. | And it was a year of letting go.
It was a year of scripture memorization. | And it was a year of scripture being lost.
It was a year of being proud and confident it what I had. | And it was a year of losing it all.
It was a year of pursuing a vision. | And it was a year of a vision being taken away.
It was a year of believing I had heard from the Lord. | And it was a year of doubting I had ever heard at all.
I can confidently say, 2013 has been the hardest year of the 26 I have lived. And to be completely candid, I currently do not look to 2014 with any expectation of "great" things. I have learned in 2013 that expectation is fragile and easily lost - something to not be relied upon ever.
Yet there is a hope within me, small, and perhaps barely visible, which believes that in some way, that somehow, God is going to restore my very soul and return unto me the joy of my salvation. It is not a great hope. It is not a contagious hope. It is not even a faith-filled hope. Rather, it is a hope derived from years of walking with God and knowing He is good. He is father and I son.
Yesterday at church, my pastor said "At the end of 2014, I want my testimony to be that I am somehow, in someway, more like Christ than I am now."
I have no aspirations for 2014. I have no excitement for 2014. I have no goals for 2014. I have nothing, nor want nothing, nor desire anything for 2014 — other than that I might be more like Christ than I am now.
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